Why Can’t I Trust Myself Anymore?
If you have experienced emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, a trauma bond, or a controlling relationship, you may find yourself asking:
“Why can’t I trust myself anymore?”
Perhaps you second-guess every decision.
Perhaps you replay conversations over and over in your mind.
Perhaps you constantly seek reassurance from others before making choices.
You may find yourself wondering:
- Am I overreacting?
- Am I remembering this correctly?
- Am I being unfair?
- Am I making the right decision?
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
Many survivors of emotional abuse describe losing trust in themselves long before they recognize what happened in the relationship.
The good news is that self-trust can be rebuilt.
What Does It Mean to Lose Self-Trust?
Self-trust is the ability to believe your own experiences, perceptions, feelings, instincts, and judgment.
When self-trust is strong, people can listen to feedback without abandoning themselves.
When self-trust is damaged, people often begin looking outside themselves for answers.
They may:
- Constantly seek reassurance.
- Fear making mistakes.
- Struggle to make decisions.
- Doubt their emotions.
- Ignore their instincts.
- Feel confused about what is true.
Many survivors describe feeling disconnected from themselves.
How Does Emotional Abuse Affect Self-Trust?
One of the most damaging effects of emotional abuse is the gradual erosion of confidence in your own reality.
This often happens through:
- Gaslighting.
- Blame shifting.
- Criticism.
- Emotional invalidation.
- Manipulation.
- Chronic questioning of your perceptions.
Over time, people begin doubting themselves rather than doubting the behaviour that is harming them.
Many survivors learn to trust the other person’s version of reality more than their own.
This can have profound effects on confidence and decision-making.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that causes people to question their memory, perceptions, emotions, or judgment.
Examples may include:
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “That never happened.”
- “You’re imagining things.”
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “You’re remembering it wrong.”
Repeated exposure to gaslighting can significantly increase self-doubt and reduce confidence in one’s own experiences (Sweet, 2019).
Many survivors find themselves questioning things they once knew with certainty.
Why Do I Keep Looking to Other People for Answers?
This is a very common response.
When self-trust has been damaged, seeking reassurance can feel safer than relying on your own judgment.
Many people begin asking:
- What do you think I should do?
- Does this seem okay to you?
- Am I crazy?
- Am I being unreasonable?
While occasional feedback is healthy, chronic dependence on external validation can keep people disconnected from themselves.
Healing often involves gradually rebuilding confidence in your own experience.
What People Often Get Wrong
One of the biggest misconceptions is that self-doubt means you are weak.
In reality, self-doubt is often evidence that you have been exposed to repeated invalidation over time.
Another misconception is that confidence is the same as self-trust.
Some people appear confident while remaining deeply disconnected from their own feelings and instincts.
Self-trust is not about always being right.
It is about believing that your experiences deserve consideration.
Why Does Everything Feel So Confusing?
Many survivors describe feeling mentally exhausted.
They spend enormous amounts of energy:
- Replaying conversations.
- Analyzing interactions.
- Looking for hidden meanings.
- Trying to determine who is right.
- Trying to avoid making mistakes.
This constant self-monitoring can create significant stress and anxiety.
The nervous system begins searching for certainty while simultaneously feeling unable to find it.
The Nervous System Perspective
Self-trust is not only psychological.
It is physiological.
When people repeatedly experience criticism, gaslighting, manipulation, or emotional unpredictability, the nervous system often becomes increasingly vigilant.
Many survivors experience:
- Anxiety.
- Hypervigilance.
- Overthinking.
- Difficulty making decisions.
- Fear of getting things wrong.
- Chronic self-questioning.
The body learns to scan for danger rather than trust internal signals.
This is an adaptive response to an unsafe environment.
What Helps Rebuild Self-Trust?
Recovery often involves:
- Learning about gaslighting and emotional abuse.
- Reconnecting with your emotions.
- Strengthening boundaries.
- Making small decisions independently.
- Practicing self-compassion.
- Developing nervous system regulation skills.
- Spending time with supportive people.
- Listening to your own experiences without immediately dismissing them.
Self-trust is rebuilt through practice.
One small decision at a time.
A Somatic Perspective
From a somatic perspective, self-trust lives in the body as much as it lives in the mind.
Many survivors understand intellectually that they should trust themselves while still feeling uncertain internally.
Somatic approaches help people reconnect with body sensations, emotions, instincts, boundaries, and internal signals that may have been ignored or overridden for years.
As people learn to notice and trust these experiences, confidence often begins returning naturally.
Recovery becomes less about forcing certainty and more about rebuilding a relationship with yourself.
Looking for Support?
If you are struggling with self-doubt, recovering from gaslighting, questioning your reality, or trying to rebuild trust in yourself after emotional abuse, support is available.
At Somatic Paths Wellness, I offer trauma-informed, attachment-aware, and nervous-system-based support for people recovering from emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, trauma bonds, and relationship trauma.
If you would like to explore whether we are a good fit, I invite you to book a free consultation through Somatic Paths Wellness.
References
Herman, J. L. (2022). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror (Revised ed.). Basic Books.
Sweet, P. L. (2019). The sociology of gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851–875.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
About the Author
Autumn Rock is a trauma-informed recovery practitioner, somatic trauma and attachment therapist, recovery coach, writer and educator. Through Somatic Paths Wellness, she supports individuals navigating trauma recovery, attachment wounds, addiction recovery, ADHD, nervous system regulation, and relational healing. Her work integrates somatic approaches, trauma-informed care, attachment theory, lived experience and practical recovery support to help people build lives rooted in safety, connection, and self-trust.