Domestic Violence Through the Lens of Coercive Control and Paris Paloma’s Labour
Introduction
Violence in intimate relationships is often misunderstood as spontaneous, emotional, or rooted in anger. However, research consistently demonstrates that domestic violence is fundamentally about ownership and control, with exploitation emerging once dominance is established. Paris Paloma’s song Labour offers a culturally resonant depiction of these dynamics, illustrating how coercive control can exist without overt physical violence while still producing profound harm. By situating Labour alongside academic frameworks of domestic abuse, this article explores how violence operates as a system — beginning with control and culminating in exploitation.
Ownership: The Precondition for Abuse
Domestic violence scholars emphasize that abuse is not defined primarily by physical acts, but by patterns of domination. Stark (2007) defines coercive control as a strategic course of conduct designed to strip a partner of autonomy, dignity, and personhood. This process relies on the implicit belief that one partner is entitled to the other’s time, body, labor, and emotional resources.
In Labour, this sense of entitlement is expressed through the expectation that the woman will fulfill multiple roles simultaneously: “therapist, mother, maid” (Paloma, 2023). These roles are not negotiated or reciprocated; they are assumed. The lyric “just an appendage, live to attend him” further reflects the erosion of personhood, a hallmark of ownership-based violence.
This mirrors findings from domestic violence research indicating that abusers often frame control as normal, loving, or deserved. According to Dutton and Goodman (2005), ownership beliefs — the idea that a partner “belongs” to the other — are central predictors of abusive behavior.
Control as a Daily, Invisible Mechanism
Unlike stereotypical portrayals of violence, coercive control often manifests through routine, everyday demands rather than dramatic incidents. Control is exerted through emotional labor expectations, decision-making dominance, and strategic incompetence — what Paloma’s song implicitly critiques.
The repeated line “you make me do too much labour” (Paloma, 2023) is not merely about housework. It reflects what Evan Stark (2007) describes as gendered deprivation of liberty, where one partner’s energy is consumed in service of the other, leaving little room for rest, self-development, or resistance.
Importantly, this form of control is often socially reinforced. The labor described in the song aligns with culturally normalized expectations of women as caregivers and emotional regulators. This normalization obscures abuse, making exploitation appear as duty rather than harm.
Exploitation: The Outcome of Established Control
Once control is secured, exploitation becomes sustainable. Exploitation in domestic violence contexts includes unpaid labor, emotional caretaking, sexual access, and psychological endurance — all extracted without genuine consent or reciprocity.
In Labour, exploitation is expressed through physical and emotional depletion: “the capillaries in my eyes are bursting” (Paloma, 2023). This line conveys chronic stress and embodied harm, consistent with research showing that coercive control produces long-term health consequences, including anxiety, depression, and somatic symptoms (Black et al., 2011).
Walker’s (2009) work on the battered woman syndrome further demonstrates that exploitation is not accidental; it is the logical outcome of a system in which one partner’s needs are consistently prioritized and enforced.
Violence Beyond Bruises
One of Labour’s most powerful contributions is its challenge to narrow definitions of violence. The song illustrates how harm can be profound even in the absence of visible injuries. This aligns with contemporary legal and psychological understandings of domestic abuse, which increasingly recognize psychological violence and coercive control as central forms of harm.
As Stark (2007) argues, physical violence is often episodic, while coercive control is continuous. Labour captures this continuity — the relentlessness of being required, consumed, and diminished over time.
Conclusion
Paris Paloma’s Labour offers a poignant, accessible portrayal of how domestic violence operates as a system rooted in ownership and control, with exploitation as its inevitable consequence. The song echoes decades of feminist and trauma-informed scholarship demonstrating that violence is not about losing control, but about exercising it.
Understanding domestic violence through this lens is essential — not only for survivors, but for prevention, policy, and cultural change. When we recognize that violence begins with entitlement and is maintained through normalized exploitation, we move closer to dismantling the conditions that allow abuse to persist.
As the song makes clear, this is not about individual failure or endurance. It is about systems — relational, cultural, and structural — that must be named in order to be changed.
References (APA 7th Edition)
Paloma, P. (2023). Labour [Song]. Nettwerk.
Black, M. C., Basile, K. C., Breiding, M. J., Smith, S. G., Walters, M. L., Merrick, M. T., … Stevens, M. R. (2011). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 Summary Report. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Dutton, M. A., & Goodman, L. A. (2005). Coercion in intimate partner violence: Toward a new conceptualization. Sex Roles, 52(11–12), 743–756. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-005-4196-6
Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.Walker, L. E. (2009). The battered woman syndrome (3rd ed.). Springer Publishing.