PTSD and Resilience: Beyond the Trope of “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”
The phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” has long been a cultural shorthand for resilience in the face of adversity. While the sentiment might inspire grit, it often oversimplifies the complex reality of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and the nuanced process of healing.
For individuals grappling with building resilience after trauma, this trope can feel dismissive, placing undue pressure to derive strength or meaning from pain while overlooking the ongoing, embodied experience of their suffering. True resilience—the ability to adapt and recover in healthy ways—is a dynamic process rooted in mindful self-awareness, nervous system regulation, emotional understanding, and co-regulation with others. This article explores practical pathways toward resilience that honour the lived experience of trauma without reducing it to platitudes.
1. Moving Beyond the Binary of “Weakness” and “Strength”
When society views trauma recovery through the lens of “strength” versus “weakness,” it risks minimizing the profound effects PTSD has on a person’s mind and body. PTSD is not a sign of failure or fragility but a natural response to overwhelming events. Resilience does not mean eliminating distress but learning to navigate it with self-compassion and curiosity. Trauma survivors often need tools that help them regulate their nervous system, connect to their emotions, and build safety in both their bodies and relationships.
Resilience emerges not as a miraculous transformation post-trauma but as a gradual return to wholeness—a process that involves grounding, embodiment, and mindful self-attunement.
2. The Role of Mindfulness and Embodiment
Mindfulness—the practice of bringing awareness to the present moment without judgment—has been shown to reduce PTSD symptoms and build resilience. Mindfulness practices allow individuals to step out of survival mode, gently observing their thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations rather than reacting to them. This creates space for awareness without becoming overwhelmed.
Equally important is embodiment, which reconnects individuals to their physical selves. Trauma often disconnects people from their bodies as a survival mechanism, leaving them dissociated or hyper-vigilant. Simple practices like mindful breathing, body scans, or gentle movement (e.g., yoga, tai chi) help bridge the gap between mind and body, teaching survivors that their bodies can become safe places again. Trauma therapy and especially somatic therapy cab be vital to this process.
Practical Embodiment Techniques:
- Grounding exercises (e.g., feeling your feet on the floor)
- Deep diaphragmatic breathing to calm the nervous system
- Progressive muscle relaxation to release stored tension
- Movement therapies that restore a sense of flow and safety in the body
3. Grounding and Nervous System Regulation
PTSD often leaves the nervous system stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or collapse states. Grounding techniques and nervous system regulation strategies help survivors move toward equilibrium, shifting from survival states back to safety and connection.
Grounding involves using sensory experiences to reconnect to the present. Examples include:
- Holding a cold object or running cool water over your hands
- Naming five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste (5-4-3-2-1 method)
- Planting your feet firmly on the ground and noticing the sensation
Nervous system regulation works in tandem with grounding by retraining the body to respond more flexibly to stress. Practices that support this include:
- Slow, intentional breathing to activate the vagus nerve (e.g., 4-7-8 breathing)
- Shaking or releasing physical tension (a natural mammalian stress response)
- Safe and supportive physical touch (e.g., hugging oneself or others)
By addressing the body’s autonomic responses, survivors can begin to feel more grounded and regulated, moving out of survival-driven patterns and into safety.
4. Emotions as Guides: Sourcing Needs from Feelings
An often overlooked aspect of resilience is understanding emotions as information. Rather than something to be avoided or suppressed, emotions can guide individuals toward their unmet needs. For instance:
- Anger may signal a need for boundaries or protection.
- Fear may indicate a need for safety and reassurance.
- Sadness can reveal a longing for connection or acceptance.
By gently exploring what emotions are trying to communicate, trauma survivors can build self-trust and practice meeting their needs in ways that feel safe and empowering.
This practice requires a shift from judgment (“I shouldn’t feel this way”) to curiosity (“What is this feeling telling me?”). Through mindful observation and compassion, emotions become allies rather than adversaries.
5. The Power of Co-Regulation and Connection
While self-regulation is vital, humans are inherently social beings who heal best in connection with others. Co-regulation occurs when a calm, regulated person helps another’s nervous system settle through presence, attunement, and safety. Examples include:
- Sharing a safe, quiet space with a trusted loved one
- Experiencing nonjudgmental listening and empathy
- Receiving safe physical touch (e.g., hugs, hand-holding, or supportive gestures)
Co-regulation is particularly powerful because trauma often disrupts a person’s sense of relational safety. Survivors learn that connection can feel safe and reparative through nurturing relationships—whether with loved ones, therapists, or support groups.
6. Evidence-Based Thinking: Rewriting the Narrative
Trauma distorts a person’s perception of safety, self-worth, and the world at large. Cognitive approaches grounded in evidence-based thinking (e.g., Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT) help survivors challenge unhelpful beliefs and create new, empowering narratives.
For example:
- Replacing “I’m broken and unworthy” with “I’m healing and learning to trust myself.”
- Challenging catastrophic thoughts with curiosity: “Is this fear based on current reality, past experience or future fear?”
- Recognizing that surviving trauma demonstrates profound adaptability and strength, even when healing feels slow.
Survivors reclaim agency over their lives by integrating mindfulness, emotional awareness, and cognitive flexibility, cultivating a more compassionate internal dialogue.
7. Resilience as a Nonlinear Journey
It is important to acknowledge that healing from PTSD is neither linear nor final. Resilience is not about perfection; it is about responding to setbacks with self-compassion and persistence. There may be days when survival feels like the only victory, which is enough.
True resilience is about building capacity—the capacity to sit with discomfort, feel joy, connect, and trust that safety and wholeness are possible. It’s about tending to the nervous system, honouring the body, and sourcing wisdom from emotions.
Resilience Rediscovered
Resilience does not mean being grateful for trauma or forcing strength from suffering. Instead, it is the courageous and compassionate process of reclaiming one’s sense of safety, connection, and self-trust. By integrating mindfulness, grounding, nervous system regulation, and co-regulation, survivors of trauma can move beyond the oversimplified trope of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Resilience, at its core, is about learning to live fully again—not in spite of what happened but in deep, embodied relationship with oneself and the world.