When It’s Okay to Break the “You Can’t Just Cut People Off” Rule and Go No or Low Contact
For many, the idea of cutting someone out of your life feels like a drastic measure. Cultural norms, family values, and societal expectations often enforce the belief that relationships, especially familial ones, are sacred and must be preserved at all costs. Statements like, “You can’t just cut people off,” are rooted in the assumption that relationships are always worth salvaging. But what happens when maintaining a connection becomes harmful to your well-being?
Not every relationship is healthy or salvageable, and it’s okay to prioritize your mental and emotional health—even if it means going no or low contact.
Understanding No and Low Contact
Before diving into when it’s appropriate, let’s clarify the terms:
- No Contact: Completely cutting ties with an individual. This includes no communication through calls, messages, or social media.
- Low Contact: Maintaining limited interaction, often on your terms, and only engaging when absolutely necessary.
Both approaches are tools for self-preservation, not acts of malice or punishment.
When It’s Okay to Break the ”You can’t just cut people off” Rule:
- Chronic Toxicity: If someone in your life consistently demeans, manipulates, or disrespects you, their behaviour can take a toll on your mental health. Chronic toxicity often manifests as emotional manipulation, gaslighting, or verbal abuse. No matter who the person is—family, friends, or colleagues—you are not obligated to endure treatment that harms your well-being.
- Abuse: Abuse, in any form—emotional, physical, psychological, social, sexual, or financial—is a clear boundary violation. While society often pressures individuals to “forgive and forget,” your safety and healing take precedence. Going no or low contact can be a necessary step in reclaiming your life and autonomy.
- Unwillingness to Change Relationships thrive when both parties are willing to address issues and make changes. If you’ve expressed your concerns and the other person dismisses or invalidates your feelings, it may indicate a lack of respect for you as an individual. Staying in a one-sided relationship is emotionally draining and unsustainable.
- Impact on Mental Health If a relationship consistently leaves you feeling anxious, depressed, or unworthy, it’s worth re-evaluating. People who weaponize guilt, refuse to take accountability, or create drama can disrupt your peace and mental stability.
- Your Boundaries Are Repeatedly Violated Boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships. When someone disregards your boundaries despite clear communication, it shows a lack of respect. Protecting your energy and peace sometimes means stepping away.
- Freedom to Live Authentically If a relationship requires you to shrink yourself, suppress your values, or constantly mask your true feelings, it’s not truly supportive. Surrounding yourself with people who allow you to live authentically is a cornerstone of personal growth and happiness.
The Emotional Complexity of Going No/Low Contact
Choosing to go no or low contact is rarely easy. You might grapple with guilt, societal judgment, or pressure to “be the bigger person.” However, prioritizing your well-being is not selfish—it’s an act of self-care. Healing from harmful relationships often requires space, and sometimes, that space must be permanent.
How to Navigate This Choice
- Reflect on Your Needs: Ask yourself whether the relationship adds value to your life or consistently detracts from it.
- Seek Support: Speak with a therapist, counsellor, or trusted friend to clarify your feelings.
- Set Boundaries: If low contact is your choice, define clear boundaries for communication and interaction.
- Own Your Decision: Remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your decision is about protecting your peace, not appeasing others.
Conclusion: The Freedom to Choose Peace
“You can’t just cut people off” is a rule designed to preserve connections, but it doesn’t account for the nuances of human relationships. It’s okay to prioritize your mental health and set boundaries with people who harm your peace, even if it means stepping away entirely. Ultimately, no one else can live your life for you. Choosing no or low contact isn’t about holding grudges or seeking revenge—it’s about creating the space to heal, grow, and thrive.
You deserve relationships that nurture your well-being, not drain it.
If you need support with this or any other challenge you are going through, please contact us at https://diversepathswellness.com/
Because somethings should not be carried alone.